Getting the ‘F’, the ‘M’ and the ‘V’ from ‘FMV’
E3 saw Limited Run Games showing off the upcoming roster of new and classic titles getting shiny new physical releases. Among the announcements for great titles like River City Girls for PS5, Huntdown: Collector’s Edition, and the The anniversary collectionn, also gets an appearance of, or all things, piece of shit 3DO title Plumbers don’t wear ties, which is amazingly headed to PlayStation, PC, and Switch.
For the uninitiated (and bless you for that), Plumbers don’t wear ties launched on the Panasonic 3DO in 1993 as a joint of the star studio “United Pixtures”. A result of 3Do’s incredibly simplistic licensing rules, this “grown-up” graphic adventure predicts to be an FMV title, like the style of the time, but makes wire head look fucking shaft.
Plumbers don’t wear ties follows the exploits of two young protagonists, John and Jane, (and that’s lunch), who meet during a job interview, only to find themselves embroiled in a whistling adventure of horrible photography, catalog clip art and “comedic” assault. After a very short FMV intro, the whole game plays out like a slideshow of amateurish photos, as the player makes choices to ostensibly propel the story forward. The game has multiple endings, some of which are quite tacky, but that’s the year of our Lord Nineteen Thousand Nine Hundred Ninety Three.
In favor of the title, “Jane” is played by Jeanne Basone, who seasoned pro wrestling fans will recognize as the great, hard-hitting “Hollywood” from the original GLOW wrestling promotion. Unfortunately, there is no trace of her trouble-making tag partner “Vine”.
As a graduate student of this terrible time in the history of the CD-ROM, A copy of Plumbers don’t wear ties will probably find its way into my (and probably Occams’) collection – sitting next to me Night Trap: 25th Anniversary Edition, Corpse Killer: 25th Anniversary Edition, and Ground Zero Texas: Nuclear Edition. Even more than the aforementioned releases, PDWT is truly a “novelty only” purchase. Anyone looking for shutterbug shenanigans would be much better served pick up 428: Shibuya Scramble.
Plumbers don’t wear ties will be released later this year on PS4, PS5, PC and Nintendo Switch. And I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. There are no rules in this timeline.